living a loving life as wife and wife

We were chosen to tell our love story if you’re interested in the details or just want a little of our history here it is!

Real Couples, Real Weddings

by Marianne Puechl, senior editor

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Near sunset on the picturesque beach of St. Petersburg, Florida Pastor Steve Andrews proudly stood before two brides exchanging their vows. Angel and Jay -nervous, tearful, thrilled- had finally arrived at their Wedding Day, May 15, 2008. Pastor Andrews announced to the couple and their guests that, serendipitously, this day also marked a landmark decision 3000 miles across the country, by the California Supreme Court to allow same-sex marriage within the Golden State. Sadly, the legislation did not offer any immediate benefits for Jay and Angel; nonetheless, the historic announcement added greatly to their own joy, bringing them added hope that someday their own commitment would also be recognized.

How They Met…

Over two years earlier, Jay and Angel initially met online. Jay had just ended a relationship and was browsing the internet when she came upon Angel’s profile. “I noticed her right away,” Jay says. “And I wanted to be friends, so I emailed a note.” The women began talking by phone. Jay continues, smiling, “Angel could hold a conversation; we could talk about things that I couldn’t talk about with other people… One night we spent hours looking up educational stuff on the National Geographic channel. –We got along very well.”

Angel wasn’t looking for romance either; she had broken up with someone else just two weeks prior. But it wasn’t long before she realized how easy it was to spend long evenings on the phone with Jay, and that she never ran out of things to say. “That’s different than with other relationships or friends,” she explains. “And today Jay and I still talk all the time… I never get tired of talking with her.”

She continues, “In the beginning there was always something new I could learn about Jay, and I just wanted to know everything. …Basically, I think the communication has brought our relationship to where it is now.”

The relationship soon blossomed into a beautiful romance, despite the women’s initial plans to explore a platonic friendship. –It simply seemed meant to be. “I can actually say,” Jay grins proudly, “that I married my best friend.”

The Courtship…

Jay and Angel met in person on September 10, 2005, about a month after finding one another through the internet. Angel drove several hours from Tampa to meet Jay in Jacksonville. She describes herself as extremely nervous, while Jay was ‘extremely excited to finally see the person she had already fallen for over the phone.’

The women went out to lunch, Angel still rather shy and quiet as they got to know one another. “But she smiled a lot,” Jay says, “which I loved. We had a casual conversation about her drive and how nice it was to finally meet… And we acted like two teenagers meeting up for a blind date, holding hands and playing footsies under the table.”

The next day Jay presented Angel with a poem she wrote earlier that morning and after breakfast, the couple wandered along Jacksonville Beach. “It was a beautiful day – blue skies, no clouds, nice breeze. We walked along the beach, hand in hand, with the waves washing up on our feet, while we talked about our future together and our first impressions of each other.”

Teasingly, Angel commented that she thought Jay looked better in person than in her web photos. Jay continued to swoon over Angel’s smile. And when it was time for Angel to head back home, neither of the women wanted to part ways. They missed each other so much afterward that Jay returned the visit two weeks later, and by Halloween moved to Tampa herself.

Before they moved in together, one evening as Jay was heading back home to Jacksonville, Angel tenderly pulled her aside. “I don’t want you to leave; I want you to stay forever,” she said.

Jay recalls, “So I said, ‘You know what that means, right? That means we have to get married.’”

Not long after, Jay spent her entire paycheck on an engagement ring. Recently employed as an accounting associate at an investment firm, it was just her third full paycheck but Jay couldn’t wait any longer. It was February 6, 2006 and she remembers that night in detail. “Angel came home late, like 9:00 or 10:00 after a full day of school. She was looking at bills on the table, I came up behind her and hugged her and put the ring on her finger. ‘It’s the right time,’ I told her.”

Angel adds, “I was really so surprised, and I was so happy too. I didn’t think we were going to make it official that soon!”

“Well I knew I really loved her,” Jay says. “And I didn’t want anybody else to grab her up! Angel is a catch.” Before popping the question, Jay had been washing dishes. She went back to the sink afterward, still trembling with nervousness. “I went right back over there and broke a dish,” she chuckles. “I was shaking so much!”

Touchingly, that entire paycheck spent on a beautiful symbol of anticipating their future together, the newly engaged couple headed to McDonald’s for a low-cost dinner to celebrate.

“Everybody said we were crazy,” Angel recounts. “Getting together so quickly after our previous relationships… getting engaged that soon… they said it wouldn’t work out.” She continues, “But we’ve been together now over three years, and we’ve only had about four or five arguments in all this time.”

Jay, now twenty-five, explains that much of their compatibility is founded in their differences. “We’re actually complete opposites,” she says. “That’s one of the things I like about our relationship… Angel and I complete each other.”

She continues, “Angel is very sweet, passionate and compassionate. When you get to know her, she is the silliest person –well, the funniest person you’d ever want to meet. And she does all the nice little housewife stuff for me: she puts toothpaste on my toothbrush, she cooks and cleans…” Laughing, Jay adds, “I don’t know what exactly I do for her.”

Angel, twenty-three, chimes in, “I like that Jay is more open and outgoing. I’m sometimes quiet and shy. So she makes me feel more comfortable in some situations where I might be really nervous. And she supports me and takes care of me, and supports me in my ideas and my goals. Jay is passionate and generous. I love her personality.”

When they met, the women had each been taking a break from college. After they began dating they encouraged each other to return to complete their degrees. “We made goals individually and together as a couple,” Jay says. “It makes life so much easier to know where you’re going and what you’re doing…”

Today Jay is studying economics and finance; she aspires to become a financial analyst after graduate school. Angel is majoring in psychology and plans to become a counselor for troubled youth or focus on issues important to LGBT youth. “When I was younger,” she says, “I’d have liked someone to speak with me who had had the same experience I was having; someone who’d already been through it. Friends and family sometimes are not so supportive –Jay and I both had a hard time… Even if I can help just one child.”

Their goals also include a move north, beyond the borders of the state of Florida. “There are a lot of anti-gay laws here,” Jay explains. “In fact this November there’s the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit anyone who’s not married (one man + one woman, according to Florida law) from having any benefits at all within a committed relationship. This applies even to older domestic partners who are straight…”

“We’re moving to Boston next year,” she continues, “and 98% of the reason is because of Florida’s anti-gay laws. –Especially because we want to have a family.” Each of the women someday wishes to carry a biological child. With no co-parent adoption laws in place in Florida, Jay and Angel feel that they can better care for their future children by living in a state that provides greater protections, rights and responsibilities. They plan to retain Angel’s last name, as a middle name, and make Jay’s last name, their family surname. “But we’ll take care of the legal name changes when we move to Massachusetts, so we don’t have to go through any hassle with a Florida judge.”

Playfully, Jay adds, “We’re so tired of palm trees… they’re everywhere! We’re both ready to see snow – I’ve never really seen it before. And we just want to be part of a different culture, a good liberal place.”

   “We’re glad we’re not in the dating game anymore. Friends our age are still dating around; it’s not working out, they realize they’ve wasted time getting to know someone and then they have to try to find somebody else…” Jay and Angel both comment frankly. “We’re the most stable relationship of anyone we know personally, older or younger… We’re so glad we found each other.”

In June 2007 the couple began getting more serious about planning their Special Day. Once again browsing the internet, they came upon an ad for Orlando’s popular GayDays celebration, upcoming later that summer. There was a group wedding planned, in which couples could participate for just $300. Angel remembers, “At first we thought, ‘Let’s do it!…’ -Even though we’d planned to wait until we both graduated. But Jay wanted to; she is kind of impatient sometimes. Then we looked up more information about it, and decided that it wasn’t really what we wanted.” -After their memorable first date, they had their hearts set on a beachside wedding.

The moment inspired them, however, and within days Jay had a referral from a co-worker for The Grand Plaza on St. Pete Beach. Taking time off work in early June, she and Angel planned a long day scouting out reception venues. But once Angel saw the Grand Plaza, with the floor to ceiling windows and breathtaking view of the water, she decided there was no need to look elsewhere.

“We picked our wedding date,” Jay explains, “because we wanted it when school was out, and also not around Memorial Day because that’s my birthday. We also decided to go with a Thursday evening, to help with our budget. So we chose May 15, 2008, and took our honeymoon over Memorial Day weekend.”

The women wanted a small, intimate ceremony and envisioned about 20-25 guests; ultimately the guest list grew to about forty.

After finding the venue, Jay and Angel began looking for their photographer and DJ, shopped for their wedding bands, and indulged in cake tasting. Jay didn’t want to wear a dress, but she wasn’t interested in a tux either, so they found a designer suit at Macy’s then had it custom tailored. Angel handled all the planning as well as created all the decorations and favors.

Jay boasts, “Oh, yeah. That was all her. She’s very good at crafting. Everything was gorgeous.”

Angel went to work early on with the bouquet and boutonnieres. “Every day I was at the art store,” she smiles. “I re-did my bouquet two or three times…”

“It honestly takes at least ten months to plan a wedding,” Jay adds. “I had no idea it took so much time… I used to ask why people get engaged a year in advance; I had no idea.”

Most of the vendors, they recall, were fairly supportive. At the bridal shop, Angel recalls, clerks kept asking if Jay was her Maid of Honor. And at most of the bakeries the staff kept wondering where the groom was. Angel would tell them, “There isn’t one. I’m marrying her.” At one bakery, she says, “They weren’t very friendly. They ignored Jay after I said there wasn’t a groom, so we didn’t go with them even though we thought their cakes tasted great. …But the bakery we did choose (Cakes by Carolynn in St. Petersburg) crossed out ‘Groom’ on the order sheet and were happy to write in ‘Two Brides.’”

The Wedding Day…

Jay and Angel were married on the evening of May 15, 2008, with the Gulf of Mexico as a stunning backdrop and surrounded by joyful family and friends. The ceremony was a non-denominational service and both families were in attendance, though none of the women’s parents chose to celebrate with their daughters. “Basically everybody is supportive,” Jay says, “except our parents. Though my dad is starting to come around a little bit.” An only child, several of Jay’s cousins joined in the festivities.

Angel’s younger sister was there, as well as her aunts and cousins. “My other sister wanted to come too, but she is on active duty with the military.”

The couple admits they were a little nervous about having their ceremony quite so publicly; but it had been their dream all along to have a beachside wedding. “But we were pretty well-received by the hotel staff, with everyone telling us, ‘Congratulations! We hope you have a good life together…’” And many of the spectators along the beach were cheering as the event progressed, especially after the ritualized jumping of the broom.

“I was worried that someone might yell out a mean comment,” Angel admits, “but people we didn’t even know were taking our photo… They were saying they didn’t know what the big deal was; it looked just like any other wedding…”

The extra attention was a treat for Jay. “It felt kind of like having paparazzi,” she laughs.

“Yes,” Angel says, “all that turned out much better than I thought it would be.”

Beyond that, the night was theirs. Jay remembers the entrance, with their guests standing up and clapping. “And my absolute favorite moment was watching Angel walk down the aisle. She looked so beautiful, it was the most beautiful I’ve ever seen her. She was glowing and so happy! Angel has this amazing smile and knowing that I was going to see that smile for the rest of my life literally took my breath away. She walked down the aisle to From this Moment by Shania Twain and there couldn’t have been a more perfect song.”

The couple lit the Unity Candle and exchanged their vows as sunset drew near. Another highlight was the Jumping of the Broom. “The Slaves couldn’t marry legally,” Jay explains, “so to symbolize their commitment they would jump over the broom. So our decision to jump the broom was in tribute to them and symbolic for us too, saying ‘Hey, we’re married, whether you recognize it or not.’ -Jumping into our new life together, we’re doing the same thing they were doing… not being allowed to marry either (here and now) in 2008.”

At the reception, the newlyweds shared a touching First Dance to Always and Forever by Luther Vandross. “I was nervous,” Angel exclaims, “with everyone looking at us!”

Jay remembers it as well: “I was trying to say the steps in her ear to calm her. It was really a special moment, holding her, having our song playing… Always & Forever was our little saying as we were dating. We’d write it or we’d say it to each other.” After their engagement, the couple had gotten matching tattoos – the yin and yang symbols along with their special words. Angel bears ‘Always,’ and Jay bears ‘Forever.’

Jay also vividly remembers another tradition from the reception: taking off Angel’s garter. Again, she adored being the center of attention. “I pulled it off with my teeth,” she laughs. “…With the music going and everybody ooh-ing. It was a funny thing to me.”

“My favorite part,” Angel says, “was the Last Dance. A lot of people who hadn’t danced all evening got up and joined in.”

The newlyweds delayed their honeymoon until Memorial Day Weekend, and then pampered themselves at the Gaylord Palms Resort in Orlando. The all-indoor hotel boasts myriad shops, an arcade, several restaurants and a bar, indoor lakes and an atrium as well as a signature crocodile pond. “We were just enjoying the luxury: relaxing, taking a nice break from planning and from school.” They also went shopping for Jay’s birthday and Angel surprised her with a couple’s massage.

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Today, Jay and Angel are happily continuing their goals with school and looking forward to their move to Massachusetts next year. When mentioning future plans for a family, both reveal a little giddiness. And when asked about advice for others just beginning to consider their own ideas for a wedding, they urge other couples to take plenty of time and to focus on the broader vision.

“Definitely don’t rush,” Jay offers. “Make sure when you set a date it’s at least ten months in advance. Be patient. And don’t let the non-RSVP’rs make you crazy!”

Angel adds, “After it’s all done, everything is actually worth it. And that’s good to remember. It’s a lot of stress and hard work, but don’t let the guests or wedding party stress you out. In the end it’ll all be worth it.”

RainbowWeddingNetwork Magazine would like to thank the newlyweds for sharing their inspiring story. Jay & Angel, we wish you a life of continued happiness, celebrated achievements, wondrous interconnections and sweet surprises. Congrats!

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